Hi!
I know I have been a little late with the posts in the day. I apologize.
My thoughts today surround obedience. Have you ever been getting ready to do something then heard a voice telling you either not to do it or do it another way, etc.? Did you obey that voice? If I had to be honest, about 99% of the time, I do not obey the voice. Now, if you are hearing voices, as in many voices in your head, you need to go to a psychiatrist ASAP!
During this time of letting go and moving forward, it was brought back to my memory the many signs God was showing me, the many times I heard "this is not it", the many times I felt that things were not right in my relationship but I ignored them all! I wanted something in my own heart and sort of blocked what God was trying to get to me. I believe everyone has experienced this at one point or another. You want what you want so bad that you are okay with ignoring major signs just so that you can have what you want, even when it's not good for you.
I was once told, if you are not at peace concerning your relationship, then that's not the relationship God chose for you. A lot of the time we, especially women, will have things tugging at our hearts about our significant other that just does not set well with us but because we think we love them so much, we push it to the furthest point of our minds just to continue on in the relationship. I am guilty of this. Some things I knew as a woman but I was in denial, believed what was being told to me by my significant other and moved on past that which bothered me or that I believe God was trying to speak to me about. I believe I can hear from God. I believe He speaks to me. I just don't always obey what He is telling me to do. A lot of the time we don't do what God is telling us to do because it's not comfortable. It takes us completely out of our comfort zone and we won't know what to do next. We'd rather stay comfortable where we are, so we ignore the voice of God telling us otherwise. Not doing what you are told is just as much disobedience as is purposely doing the opposite of what you are told...if that makes any sense.
I realize, had I just obeyed God, I could have avoided this devastating situation and been done with this all a long time ago. My obedience would have shielded me from the pain, disappointment and betrayal I experienced. My disobedience was the cause of my sacrificed heart, joy, peace, etc. Many times other factors come into play when dealing with a relationship like the other person's family who love you so much or the fact that you have established such a great relationship with the other person's child(ren) if they have kids. We will allow those things to hold us captive in something that should have never been.
I want to make a point, from here on out, to obey whatever God says. His way is the best way and the only way. When you pray, wait for an answer. Don't just ask God for something then move on. Trust me, He will lead you in the right direction, the decision is up to you to trust, follow and obey. I'm tired of going through the same cycles because of my disobedience. I am at a point in my life where whatever God says do, I'm doing, because I have clearly seen that my own way never turns out well. I charge you to obey God's word, His voice and His leading whether it be in a relationship, at work, with your kids or with your finances. I believe once we start following Him, we will begin to see greater things because my darlings, GREATER IS COMING!
Friday, May 31, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
My Truth
Hello there,
Today has been a restful day. My body is catching up on sleep and readjusting to the Pacific time zone. It's been a good day overall.
I have been completing counseling homework the past few weeks. Yes, counseling. When you have experienced a devastating event in your life, its a good idea to talk to someone other that your family or friends, someone professional, who might be able to help you recognize and pin point some of your feelings and where they stem from. It's been a great help for me. Like I said before, make sure to take care of yourself.
Anyway, as I was reflecting, I felt the need to share my truth. My history. I may have shared some of it before but I wanted to give you a deeper look at what I have experienced since becoming involved with male counterparts.
My first real love was for a guy who was my close friend. I was about 15 years old when we met. We started out as good friends, talking to each other about anything under the sun, developing one of the best friendships I had ever had with a guy and probably have experienced ever. It wasn't until 2 years later that we somehow developed a physical relationship. If I can be honest, there was nothing better in the world to me at the time than to be best friends with the guy I was " getting physical" with. The only drawback was, HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND! Now how in the world did I get caught up in that triangle?! I was in love. He was my first physical relationship. Even though it wasn't really a relationship because we kept it a secret for approximately 3 years! Yes, that long. I was the dreaded side chick. I was young and immature. I sympathize with girls now who are in that position because I know how it is or can be. I do not fault the woman that is pregnant by my ex-fiancé because I'm sure he did her like I was done when I was 17. Yes, we are all older now, both he and she are older than I am, her especially but age doesn't constitute maturity. Sad to say.
Anyhow, for 3+ years, I was in love with this guy who basically lived two separate lives and I let him! Remember in the 'Sex' post I talked about soul-ties? Yeah, this was one extremely strong soul-tie. It was so strong I could not form my mouth to tell him no. Now that's crazy! He once asked me why couldn't he have a girlfriend in and out of the state? Are you kidding me?! Nikeya, you should have run away screaming! I couldn't. My heart was caught up. I was blind to the fact that this relationship was toxic and just plain wrong. The thing was, he never stopped being my friend, my best friend at that. Guys really know how to keep a girl hooked, right? Nevertheless, it was not right. We continued to be there for one another like friends would be, we tried numerous times to end the physical relationship but kept being drawn to one another. That's what that soul-tie does. Keeps you connected. The only logical thing to do was just not be friends anymore. That hurt like crazy! Breaking a soul-tie is painful.
Galatians 6:7-8 reads: Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. Do I feel like I have reaped what I have sown? In a sense I do but the bible also says, in Romans 8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. I do not believe I deserved the way my ex treated me and I don't believe God allowed it to punish me. The common factor in both verses is the way in which we walk according to; of the flesh or of the Spirit. Yes, I walk according to the spirit now but back then I was not. I am not saying I had this coming nor am I saying that whatever you have done will cause hardship for you but what I do recognize is that sowing to either the flesh or the Spirit creates a cycle. The cycle I want to create is that of the Spirit. I have learned sowing to the flesh only creates a negative cycle and nothing good can come of it. Filling your heart with the word of God, worship and prayer are all ways of sowing to the Spirit.
My challenge to you is to sow more to the Spirit, recognize the ways you have been sowing to the flesh and creating toxic cycles and ask God to deliver you. Our lives are changed by the choices we make. I wanted to share my history with you to share my struggle as well as my faith that God never stops caring for and loving you. Things could have been much worse if it had not been for God hearing and answering my prayer that Saturday afternoon. It hurt but I'm glad God remains faithful even when I have not. My eyes have been opened. My focus has changed and I have an expectation that GREATER IS COMING!
Today has been a restful day. My body is catching up on sleep and readjusting to the Pacific time zone. It's been a good day overall.
I have been completing counseling homework the past few weeks. Yes, counseling. When you have experienced a devastating event in your life, its a good idea to talk to someone other that your family or friends, someone professional, who might be able to help you recognize and pin point some of your feelings and where they stem from. It's been a great help for me. Like I said before, make sure to take care of yourself.
Anyway, as I was reflecting, I felt the need to share my truth. My history. I may have shared some of it before but I wanted to give you a deeper look at what I have experienced since becoming involved with male counterparts.
My first real love was for a guy who was my close friend. I was about 15 years old when we met. We started out as good friends, talking to each other about anything under the sun, developing one of the best friendships I had ever had with a guy and probably have experienced ever. It wasn't until 2 years later that we somehow developed a physical relationship. If I can be honest, there was nothing better in the world to me at the time than to be best friends with the guy I was " getting physical" with. The only drawback was, HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND! Now how in the world did I get caught up in that triangle?! I was in love. He was my first physical relationship. Even though it wasn't really a relationship because we kept it a secret for approximately 3 years! Yes, that long. I was the dreaded side chick. I was young and immature. I sympathize with girls now who are in that position because I know how it is or can be. I do not fault the woman that is pregnant by my ex-fiancé because I'm sure he did her like I was done when I was 17. Yes, we are all older now, both he and she are older than I am, her especially but age doesn't constitute maturity. Sad to say.
Anyhow, for 3+ years, I was in love with this guy who basically lived two separate lives and I let him! Remember in the 'Sex' post I talked about soul-ties? Yeah, this was one extremely strong soul-tie. It was so strong I could not form my mouth to tell him no. Now that's crazy! He once asked me why couldn't he have a girlfriend in and out of the state? Are you kidding me?! Nikeya, you should have run away screaming! I couldn't. My heart was caught up. I was blind to the fact that this relationship was toxic and just plain wrong. The thing was, he never stopped being my friend, my best friend at that. Guys really know how to keep a girl hooked, right? Nevertheless, it was not right. We continued to be there for one another like friends would be, we tried numerous times to end the physical relationship but kept being drawn to one another. That's what that soul-tie does. Keeps you connected. The only logical thing to do was just not be friends anymore. That hurt like crazy! Breaking a soul-tie is painful.
Galatians 6:7-8 reads: Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. Do I feel like I have reaped what I have sown? In a sense I do but the bible also says, in Romans 8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. I do not believe I deserved the way my ex treated me and I don't believe God allowed it to punish me. The common factor in both verses is the way in which we walk according to; of the flesh or of the Spirit. Yes, I walk according to the spirit now but back then I was not. I am not saying I had this coming nor am I saying that whatever you have done will cause hardship for you but what I do recognize is that sowing to either the flesh or the Spirit creates a cycle. The cycle I want to create is that of the Spirit. I have learned sowing to the flesh only creates a negative cycle and nothing good can come of it. Filling your heart with the word of God, worship and prayer are all ways of sowing to the Spirit.
My challenge to you is to sow more to the Spirit, recognize the ways you have been sowing to the flesh and creating toxic cycles and ask God to deliver you. Our lives are changed by the choices we make. I wanted to share my history with you to share my struggle as well as my faith that God never stops caring for and loving you. Things could have been much worse if it had not been for God hearing and answering my prayer that Saturday afternoon. It hurt but I'm glad God remains faithful even when I have not. My eyes have been opened. My focus has changed and I have an expectation that GREATER IS COMING!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Thy Will Be Done
Good evening bloggers,
Tonight I'm in a place of resolve. There comes a time in your life where you have no clue what to do anymore and you have to just look to God and say, 'thy will be done'. I'm at that point. I am done giving my energy to something that I cannot control or change. Its time to set my focus some place more beneficial to me and others around me.
Yesterday I talked about writing the vision God has given you in your heart down so you might have physical evidence of what you have seen. Today, I have decided to pursue my vision and pour all of my energy into bringing it forth into the earth so that God might have His way. I have realized a shift in focus can make a world of difference in you emotional space and mental space. Why allow something or someone who has revoked all privileges to occupy your mind and heart continue to stay there? I'm no longer wasting my energy. Don't waste yours. There is so much more for you. Don't let another person's bad decisions and dysfunction hold you back. I have to give credit to my counselor for this sudden revelation.
Determine in yourself to be the person God called you to be. To fulfill His plans for your life. I believe that's the only way to find true fulfillment in yourself. Let go of your past, everything and everyone that hurt you, open up your heart to God and say, THY WILL BE DONE, then let Him take it from there. In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul says: Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. In other words he was saying he cannot get rid of his past but he can continue the ongoing process of forgetting things in order to keep moving forward. I'm sure Paul felt like me and just wished he could erase his memory but he did not rest on his past failures, success, hurts, disappointments, etc. He continued to labor for the Lord. (Nelson Study Bible: NKJ Version..great commentary) I don't know about you but I'm like Paul, forget what has happened, I cannot change the past but what I can do is continue to press forward toward the goal or the vision God had given me according to His purpose for my life, for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. I want to hear the words 'Well Done My Good And Faithful Servant'.
So don't let anyone, any past situation, any current things stop you from fulfilling your purpose. Make the choice today to say to God, Thy Will Be Done. God is a faithful God. Jeremiah 29:11 says God knows the thoughts that He thinks towards us, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give us a future and a hope. God is not a man that He should lie. (Numbers 23:19) and His word will not return to Him void or unfulfilled (Isaiah 55:11). So let God have His way and trust that GREATER IS COMING!
Tonight I'm in a place of resolve. There comes a time in your life where you have no clue what to do anymore and you have to just look to God and say, 'thy will be done'. I'm at that point. I am done giving my energy to something that I cannot control or change. Its time to set my focus some place more beneficial to me and others around me.
Yesterday I talked about writing the vision God has given you in your heart down so you might have physical evidence of what you have seen. Today, I have decided to pursue my vision and pour all of my energy into bringing it forth into the earth so that God might have His way. I have realized a shift in focus can make a world of difference in you emotional space and mental space. Why allow something or someone who has revoked all privileges to occupy your mind and heart continue to stay there? I'm no longer wasting my energy. Don't waste yours. There is so much more for you. Don't let another person's bad decisions and dysfunction hold you back. I have to give credit to my counselor for this sudden revelation.
Determine in yourself to be the person God called you to be. To fulfill His plans for your life. I believe that's the only way to find true fulfillment in yourself. Let go of your past, everything and everyone that hurt you, open up your heart to God and say, THY WILL BE DONE, then let Him take it from there. In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul says: Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. In other words he was saying he cannot get rid of his past but he can continue the ongoing process of forgetting things in order to keep moving forward. I'm sure Paul felt like me and just wished he could erase his memory but he did not rest on his past failures, success, hurts, disappointments, etc. He continued to labor for the Lord. (Nelson Study Bible: NKJ Version..great commentary) I don't know about you but I'm like Paul, forget what has happened, I cannot change the past but what I can do is continue to press forward toward the goal or the vision God had given me according to His purpose for my life, for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. I want to hear the words 'Well Done My Good And Faithful Servant'.
So don't let anyone, any past situation, any current things stop you from fulfilling your purpose. Make the choice today to say to God, Thy Will Be Done. God is a faithful God. Jeremiah 29:11 says God knows the thoughts that He thinks towards us, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give us a future and a hope. God is not a man that He should lie. (Numbers 23:19) and His word will not return to Him void or unfulfilled (Isaiah 55:11). So let God have His way and trust that GREATER IS COMING!
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Write It Down
Hello!
So I'm starting to come down off of my diamond high from my Tiffany & Co. experience. I took pictures of myself in the rings just in case I needed to relive the experience. I have been looking at the pictures over and over. I have realized that when you're trying to move forward or past something, it's good to have something to look forward to. Map out your desires. Envision your future. The word of God tells us to " write the vision and make it plain". (Habakuk 2:2) If we want to see things come to pass in our lives, we have to actually see them now. Writing things out, cutting out pictures, trying on rings ;) and actually reading off the things when we pray makes it all more real. I challenge you to write out the things you desire as well as the things God has shown you, pray your list to God and watch as you begin to check things off of your list as God brings them to pass.
This is a short post because I am writing from my Galaxy S3 while I am in the airport. I refuse to pay for internet after the complimentary 45 minutes is up. I will make up for such a short post later. I just really wanted to share this thought. Remember, GREATER IS COMING!
So I'm starting to come down off of my diamond high from my Tiffany & Co. experience. I took pictures of myself in the rings just in case I needed to relive the experience. I have been looking at the pictures over and over. I have realized that when you're trying to move forward or past something, it's good to have something to look forward to. Map out your desires. Envision your future. The word of God tells us to " write the vision and make it plain". (Habakuk 2:2) If we want to see things come to pass in our lives, we have to actually see them now. Writing things out, cutting out pictures, trying on rings ;) and actually reading off the things when we pray makes it all more real. I challenge you to write out the things you desire as well as the things God has shown you, pray your list to God and watch as you begin to check things off of your list as God brings them to pass.
This is a short post because I am writing from my Galaxy S3 while I am in the airport. I refuse to pay for internet after the complimentary 45 minutes is up. I will make up for such a short post later. I just really wanted to share this thought. Remember, GREATER IS COMING!
Monday, May 27, 2013
Looking Ahead
Hi there!!!
OK, so I know I'm a little late with the post but technically it's only 11:24pm in L.A. right now so I'm still getting one in before the day ends ;-).
It's my last night here in sunny California then it's (singing) back to life, back to reality. I had a great time. It was the perfect change of scenery. A bit advice: when you experience a devastating event in your life, make sure to take care of yourself, mind, body and soul. Just bottling things up like they never affected you makes things worse and takes a toll on you physically and emotionally. With the recent events that occurred in my life, it was a must I take care of myself. Especially with the type of job I do. So don't be ashamed to make sure you're well because there is only one of you and you should want to be the best you that you can be!
Anyhow, my day was beautiful. I spent the day at Santa Monica pier, peacefully watching the tide roll in, did some walking around the 3rd street promenade and stumble into a Tiffany & Co. store. Lord, Lord, Lord! The saleswoman was nice enough to allow me to try on different rings in the store. I tried on a $89,000 ring, which had to be tried on in a private room! I tried on other beautiful rings but I fell in love with that one! I was on cloud nine for the rest of my day!
Trying on those rings opened my eyes to something. I have something to be excited about. I have something to look forward to. Letting go of the past and the person that hurt you is not always easy but letting go opens the door for something even better! God will give you the desires of your heart. He's going to give me the desires of my heart! Don't get me wrong, my heart's desires are not $89,000 wedding rings but I have made my petition to God of what I want and how I want to be treated.
People often see starting over as scary but it can also be exciting! Be excited for the new. Be excited for what God has planned for you. Be excited that old things have passed away and all things are new! I know that GREATER THINGS ARE COMING and I'm so excited!
OK, so I know I'm a little late with the post but technically it's only 11:24pm in L.A. right now so I'm still getting one in before the day ends ;-).
It's my last night here in sunny California then it's (singing) back to life, back to reality. I had a great time. It was the perfect change of scenery. A bit advice: when you experience a devastating event in your life, make sure to take care of yourself, mind, body and soul. Just bottling things up like they never affected you makes things worse and takes a toll on you physically and emotionally. With the recent events that occurred in my life, it was a must I take care of myself. Especially with the type of job I do. So don't be ashamed to make sure you're well because there is only one of you and you should want to be the best you that you can be!
Anyhow, my day was beautiful. I spent the day at Santa Monica pier, peacefully watching the tide roll in, did some walking around the 3rd street promenade and stumble into a Tiffany & Co. store. Lord, Lord, Lord! The saleswoman was nice enough to allow me to try on different rings in the store. I tried on a $89,000 ring, which had to be tried on in a private room! I tried on other beautiful rings but I fell in love with that one! I was on cloud nine for the rest of my day!
Trying on those rings opened my eyes to something. I have something to be excited about. I have something to look forward to. Letting go of the past and the person that hurt you is not always easy but letting go opens the door for something even better! God will give you the desires of your heart. He's going to give me the desires of my heart! Don't get me wrong, my heart's desires are not $89,000 wedding rings but I have made my petition to God of what I want and how I want to be treated.
People often see starting over as scary but it can also be exciting! Be excited for the new. Be excited for what God has planned for you. Be excited that old things have passed away and all things are new! I know that GREATER THINGS ARE COMING and I'm so excited!
Sunday, May 26, 2013
All For His Glory
Hey Everybody!
Let me tell you how great of a day today is. IT'S ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL! I am experiencing so much peace and excitement for what's to come in my life out of every experience God is taking me through. My vision has changed and my focus is on the things God has destined me for rather than the things the enemy has tried to throw at me to bring me down. It's an exhilarating feeling, I must say! I can't begin to describe what's happening inside my heart and with my emotions right now. It's like a child waiting for Christmas and Christmas is tomorrow! You remember how that felt? Yeah, I feel like that, times 10!
Yesterday I realized a fear of mine and I shared it with you all. Today as I was watching my church's service online (Plug: Family Worship Center Church Flint-International www.fwccflint.org/live) my Pastor was talking about the spirit of fear. 2Timothy 1:7 states: For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind. If this wasn't right on time for me, I don't know what else was! My heart began to soak up that word like a sponge. He was talking to the youth, as they journey off into college after high school, but I received it for me as well. Fear is not from God. That is the devil trying to distract us from God's true purpose and plan for our lives. I decided right then and there not to allow fear to control me any longer. Once the decision was made, it was like God began to fill me with His spirit! Really, I felt a change!
Not only was the word preached on fear today but our associate Pastor talked about 20/20 Vision. Not the natural vision but the spiritual. He talked about the life of Paul and how anointed Paul was but Paul experienced much suffering. He talked about how those who have something great that God wants to get into the earth through them; the devil is going to try his hardest to put the most pressure on to get them to give up. These are the people who experience the most suffering. I have been told so many times by so many different people that I have an anointing for worship and leading people into worship. Even by people that never knew me! A girl who had just met me last week asked if I sing because I look like I should be on the cover of a gospel album! I laughed but I also received that. God has something He wants to do through me, it's just up to me to allow Him. God is a gracious God and He is not going to force us to do anything. It is our decision to give our will over to Him and allow Him to do what He wants to do in and through us.
Anyhow, my associate Pastor spoke out of 2Corinthians 4:15-18, a passage I know all too well but had somehow forgotten about. The scripture reads: For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might, through the thanksgiving of many, rebound to the glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. The verse I have always focused on and repeatedly rehearsed in my heart is For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. What's happening right now won't last forever. The hurt I experienced is going to go away and be no more and all of this will manifest for the glory of God! Romans 8:28 reads: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. All of what's going on in my life right now and everything that is going on in your life, if you love God and you know that you are called according to His purpose, this will all be worked out by God alone for our good!!! Hallelujah! If anybody is happy about that, it's me! What the devil meant for evil, God's going to work it all out for my good! That's something to praise God about RIGHT NOW!
I am so excited and honored to share this journey with you. I pray that you receive something from these posts about my real life experiences and you witness the hand of God move upon my life and believe that He will do the same for you! Walk in what God has called you to do right now. Praise Him right now for Him providing you with every single thing you need. Allow Him to restore joy to your heart like He has so graciously done in mine! I'm not lying when I tell you GREATER IS COMING! Are you ready for it?
Let me tell you how great of a day today is. IT'S ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL! I am experiencing so much peace and excitement for what's to come in my life out of every experience God is taking me through. My vision has changed and my focus is on the things God has destined me for rather than the things the enemy has tried to throw at me to bring me down. It's an exhilarating feeling, I must say! I can't begin to describe what's happening inside my heart and with my emotions right now. It's like a child waiting for Christmas and Christmas is tomorrow! You remember how that felt? Yeah, I feel like that, times 10!
Yesterday I realized a fear of mine and I shared it with you all. Today as I was watching my church's service online (Plug: Family Worship Center Church Flint-International www.fwccflint.org/live) my Pastor was talking about the spirit of fear. 2Timothy 1:7 states: For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind. If this wasn't right on time for me, I don't know what else was! My heart began to soak up that word like a sponge. He was talking to the youth, as they journey off into college after high school, but I received it for me as well. Fear is not from God. That is the devil trying to distract us from God's true purpose and plan for our lives. I decided right then and there not to allow fear to control me any longer. Once the decision was made, it was like God began to fill me with His spirit! Really, I felt a change!
Not only was the word preached on fear today but our associate Pastor talked about 20/20 Vision. Not the natural vision but the spiritual. He talked about the life of Paul and how anointed Paul was but Paul experienced much suffering. He talked about how those who have something great that God wants to get into the earth through them; the devil is going to try his hardest to put the most pressure on to get them to give up. These are the people who experience the most suffering. I have been told so many times by so many different people that I have an anointing for worship and leading people into worship. Even by people that never knew me! A girl who had just met me last week asked if I sing because I look like I should be on the cover of a gospel album! I laughed but I also received that. God has something He wants to do through me, it's just up to me to allow Him. God is a gracious God and He is not going to force us to do anything. It is our decision to give our will over to Him and allow Him to do what He wants to do in and through us.
Anyhow, my associate Pastor spoke out of 2Corinthians 4:15-18, a passage I know all too well but had somehow forgotten about. The scripture reads: For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might, through the thanksgiving of many, rebound to the glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. The verse I have always focused on and repeatedly rehearsed in my heart is For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. What's happening right now won't last forever. The hurt I experienced is going to go away and be no more and all of this will manifest for the glory of God! Romans 8:28 reads: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. All of what's going on in my life right now and everything that is going on in your life, if you love God and you know that you are called according to His purpose, this will all be worked out by God alone for our good!!! Hallelujah! If anybody is happy about that, it's me! What the devil meant for evil, God's going to work it all out for my good! That's something to praise God about RIGHT NOW!
I am so excited and honored to share this journey with you. I pray that you receive something from these posts about my real life experiences and you witness the hand of God move upon my life and believe that He will do the same for you! Walk in what God has called you to do right now. Praise Him right now for Him providing you with every single thing you need. Allow Him to restore joy to your heart like He has so graciously done in mine! I'm not lying when I tell you GREATER IS COMING! Are you ready for it?
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Reality Confession #3
So, I'm in California enjoying the sunny weather, palm trees and fresh ocean. As I sat by the water looking out over the ocean by myself, I realized my most pressing fear. The fear of being lonely. I thought it was that I was afraid of being alone but I'm OK with being somewhere by myself. What I'm afraid of is being lonely on those days that you wish you had a companion of the opposite sex. Days like Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day (which is really only celebrated in Michigan and Ohio for some reason), Christmas, Thanksgiving, and just those days when you want someone to hug you or cuddle and watch a movie. That has been taken away from me. Of course I'm hurt by the actions of the person as it was his fault we had to separate. I walked away honorably. I believe what I will miss most is having someone there when I want someone there. Is that selfish? I actually feel some sense of relief because I put my finger on the real fear. I'm not sure why but it's like a light bulb came on and now I know a little bit more about me and my feelings throughout this process. I'm positive I'm not the only one who feels this way, I'm probably the only one who is not ashamed to admit it. Well... this was a breakthrough for me. Back to my regularly scheduled program.
Sex: The Forbidden Topic
Hey y'all!
Today one subject has been tugging at my mind constantly. Sex. Did she say sex? Yes I did! Now, I know this is a topic rarely discussed. I guess because people think it's a bad word or it's nasty. Whatever the case may be, sex is or can be a major issue in many relationships, married or not.
In Hebrews 13:4 it is written, Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. God created sex to be practiced and partaken of inside a holy covenant or marriage. This is why the marriage bed is undefiled. A fornicator is one who practices fornication or the voluntary act of sexual intercourse between two unmarried people or two people not married to each other. An adulterer is one who practices adultery. Adultery is defined as voluntary sexual intercourse of a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. Both fornicators and adulterers will be judged by God. These two types of people appear to be using sex apart from the way God intended.
I want to be clear, a fornicator is one who purposely practices fornication and the same as with an adulterer. A person who has given their life to God and practices purity or abstinence but falls to the sin of fornication does not necessarily make them a fornicator. They do not actively practice the sin over and over. Well some do and think, 'God will forgive me'. No! You are a fornicator and need deliverance. God forgives but don't misuse His grace because you will be sorry in the end.
Anyway, I brought up this topic to discuss the effects of sexual sin. To be honest, I have fallen many times to sexual sin and begged God to forgive me. Did I make it a practice? No. Did I have slip ups because I allowed myself to be placed in tempting situations? Yes. Am I proud of my failures? No, but everyone has an area in their lives that they need more of God's grace and strength to help them overcome. Sex is a very strong area that requires lots of strength, depending on your make up. I'm made up to love passionately and sometimes that passion can get too strong and cause me to fall.
Sex is not only sacred because it was created by God but because the effects behind it. You are giving your body, and everything connected to it, to that other person. It's almost like a transfer from one body to the other, emotionally and physically. You are opening your whole self up to that person and giving them the most intimate parts of you. From this very action, you are combining your soul to the other person's creating what is referred to as a soul-tie. A soul-tie is a stronghold that is often times very hard to break. Trust me, I am a strong witness to this. Once this stronghold is created only God can break it. This is why sex was created for marriage. Our souls are to only be connected to one person, our husband or wife. This is why we can experience so much anguish when we have to disconnect, breakup or leave a person. It's hard, it hurts and a lot of the time you don't want to because it's more comfortable just to keep a part of that person in your life. This is especially true for women. We are emotional beings and its difficult for us to let go.
I just wanted to share this truth with you to give some insight on why some things or people you are trying to remove from your life, heart and mind is or can be so difficult. We create these soul-ties without even realizing it. All because we opened ourselves up sexually. Sex is a wonderful thing that God created. I'm honest with God about how I feel about sex. That is the only way I will be able to receive His strength where I am weak. God knows our hearts anyway. Why try to fool him like you hate something? Whether it be sex, money, smoking, drinking, whatever. Be honest with God about how you feel and sincerely ask him for help in that area.
Sex is a big deal and giving your body, soul and emotions to someone is a major decision and should only be done within the confines of a holy covenant to the one God has chosen for you to spend the rest of eternity with. God will sever the strongholds that have already been created by our own doing outside of His will. He will restore us to purity and wholeness if we allow Him to. It's a process that's not pleasureable by any means but if we are diligent, determined and don't faint, we will see the fullness of His will manifest in our lives. It won't be long for me because I know GREATER IS COMING!
Today one subject has been tugging at my mind constantly. Sex. Did she say sex? Yes I did! Now, I know this is a topic rarely discussed. I guess because people think it's a bad word or it's nasty. Whatever the case may be, sex is or can be a major issue in many relationships, married or not.
In Hebrews 13:4 it is written, Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. God created sex to be practiced and partaken of inside a holy covenant or marriage. This is why the marriage bed is undefiled. A fornicator is one who practices fornication or the voluntary act of sexual intercourse between two unmarried people or two people not married to each other. An adulterer is one who practices adultery. Adultery is defined as voluntary sexual intercourse of a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. Both fornicators and adulterers will be judged by God. These two types of people appear to be using sex apart from the way God intended.
I want to be clear, a fornicator is one who purposely practices fornication and the same as with an adulterer. A person who has given their life to God and practices purity or abstinence but falls to the sin of fornication does not necessarily make them a fornicator. They do not actively practice the sin over and over. Well some do and think, 'God will forgive me'. No! You are a fornicator and need deliverance. God forgives but don't misuse His grace because you will be sorry in the end.
Anyway, I brought up this topic to discuss the effects of sexual sin. To be honest, I have fallen many times to sexual sin and begged God to forgive me. Did I make it a practice? No. Did I have slip ups because I allowed myself to be placed in tempting situations? Yes. Am I proud of my failures? No, but everyone has an area in their lives that they need more of God's grace and strength to help them overcome. Sex is a very strong area that requires lots of strength, depending on your make up. I'm made up to love passionately and sometimes that passion can get too strong and cause me to fall.
Sex is not only sacred because it was created by God but because the effects behind it. You are giving your body, and everything connected to it, to that other person. It's almost like a transfer from one body to the other, emotionally and physically. You are opening your whole self up to that person and giving them the most intimate parts of you. From this very action, you are combining your soul to the other person's creating what is referred to as a soul-tie. A soul-tie is a stronghold that is often times very hard to break. Trust me, I am a strong witness to this. Once this stronghold is created only God can break it. This is why sex was created for marriage. Our souls are to only be connected to one person, our husband or wife. This is why we can experience so much anguish when we have to disconnect, breakup or leave a person. It's hard, it hurts and a lot of the time you don't want to because it's more comfortable just to keep a part of that person in your life. This is especially true for women. We are emotional beings and its difficult for us to let go.
I just wanted to share this truth with you to give some insight on why some things or people you are trying to remove from your life, heart and mind is or can be so difficult. We create these soul-ties without even realizing it. All because we opened ourselves up sexually. Sex is a wonderful thing that God created. I'm honest with God about how I feel about sex. That is the only way I will be able to receive His strength where I am weak. God knows our hearts anyway. Why try to fool him like you hate something? Whether it be sex, money, smoking, drinking, whatever. Be honest with God about how you feel and sincerely ask him for help in that area.
Sex is a big deal and giving your body, soul and emotions to someone is a major decision and should only be done within the confines of a holy covenant to the one God has chosen for you to spend the rest of eternity with. God will sever the strongholds that have already been created by our own doing outside of His will. He will restore us to purity and wholeness if we allow Him to. It's a process that's not pleasureable by any means but if we are diligent, determined and don't faint, we will see the fullness of His will manifest in our lives. It won't be long for me because I know GREATER IS COMING!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Ask And You Shall Receive
Buenos Dias mí compadrès!
Yeah, I know a little Spanish. Lol. Anyhoo, I hope your day is going well. Mine is a bit refreshing. I'm trying my best to live in the moment and enjoy where I am physically right now. I spent some good time in worship with my Almighty God and I'm currently experiencing much peace at the moment. Praise His Holy Name!
So as my thoughts raced today I thought of what was supposed to occur this weekend. I, along with my ex-fiancé, were planning to go to Vegas and elope! Today or tomorrow would have been the day my life completely changed, and I don't think I can say it would have changed for the better considering his current circumstance. I could only imagine the misery. I can only be grateful to God for saving me!
I wanted to share with you my prayer before this whole illegitimate child scandal was exposed. You should know that God hears your prayers and He answers them. The question is, are we ready to handle the answer to our prayers? Anyhow, the day before I found out the devastating news that resulted in me ending the engagement and relationship all together, I was spending some time alone with God and as I spoke with God I stated, "God, please take anything from me that's not like you and give me the strength to deal with it". I also prayed and asked God to show both me, and my fiancé at the time, if this marriage was in His will for our lives. The very next day, his secret was exposed through a phone call from a friend and his admittance when I questioned him about it.
Although I had just asked for this, boy did it hurt to know the truth. Was I ready to handle this? God answered my prayer so fast! 1John 5:15 reads, And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. Dictionary.com defines petition as a request made for something desired, especially a respectful and humble request, as to a superior or to one of those in authority. I would say I made a humble request to THE ONE in authority, wouldn't you? Did I desire to go through the grief of losing a person who was such a major part of my life to unfortunate events? Not at all. Do I desire to be inside the will of God for my life and experience a happy, blessed, honest, trustworthy, loyal and fruitful marriage that honors God? HECK YEAH I DO! My life is purposed to worship and please God. Anything that's not like Him or that does not have the same purpose has to go. It cannot be connected to the righteousness of Christ. Now I'm not saying my ex is the devil or a devil worshipper. I am only referencing the word of God that clearly states, Can two walk together unless they are agreed? (Amos 3:3). It appears to me the separation had to occur. Our lives were not being lived with the same purpose in mind.
In the gospel of John, the 16th chapter and the 24th verse, Jesus explains to His diciples how once He is crucified, raised and sitting at the right hand of God; we will be able to ask the Father anything in His (Jesus) name and He (The Father) will give it. Jesus told them to ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full. I don't know about you but I want full joy, not half full, not three quarters, I want full! God knows what's best for us and what will bring us full joy, even when we're willing to settle for half just to have something. God wants us to have the best! I know He wants that for me anyway. God loves me too much not to give me His very best and not to protect me from harm and misery. I believe He loves you the same!
I wanted to share this with you in order for you to know that God hears our prayers and He answers them because He loves us. Even though this is an uncomfortable position, God has not forsaken me. He is still listening, He is still working, it's all going to be a major piece in the testimony of my life. My story is not done yet and neither is yours. GREATER IS COMING. Keep saying it until you believe it, then once you believe you will begin to see it!
Yeah, I know a little Spanish. Lol. Anyhoo, I hope your day is going well. Mine is a bit refreshing. I'm trying my best to live in the moment and enjoy where I am physically right now. I spent some good time in worship with my Almighty God and I'm currently experiencing much peace at the moment. Praise His Holy Name!
So as my thoughts raced today I thought of what was supposed to occur this weekend. I, along with my ex-fiancé, were planning to go to Vegas and elope! Today or tomorrow would have been the day my life completely changed, and I don't think I can say it would have changed for the better considering his current circumstance. I could only imagine the misery. I can only be grateful to God for saving me!
I wanted to share with you my prayer before this whole illegitimate child scandal was exposed. You should know that God hears your prayers and He answers them. The question is, are we ready to handle the answer to our prayers? Anyhow, the day before I found out the devastating news that resulted in me ending the engagement and relationship all together, I was spending some time alone with God and as I spoke with God I stated, "God, please take anything from me that's not like you and give me the strength to deal with it". I also prayed and asked God to show both me, and my fiancé at the time, if this marriage was in His will for our lives. The very next day, his secret was exposed through a phone call from a friend and his admittance when I questioned him about it.
Although I had just asked for this, boy did it hurt to know the truth. Was I ready to handle this? God answered my prayer so fast! 1John 5:15 reads, And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. Dictionary.com defines petition as a request made for something desired, especially a respectful and humble request, as to a superior or to one of those in authority. I would say I made a humble request to THE ONE in authority, wouldn't you? Did I desire to go through the grief of losing a person who was such a major part of my life to unfortunate events? Not at all. Do I desire to be inside the will of God for my life and experience a happy, blessed, honest, trustworthy, loyal and fruitful marriage that honors God? HECK YEAH I DO! My life is purposed to worship and please God. Anything that's not like Him or that does not have the same purpose has to go. It cannot be connected to the righteousness of Christ. Now I'm not saying my ex is the devil or a devil worshipper. I am only referencing the word of God that clearly states, Can two walk together unless they are agreed? (Amos 3:3). It appears to me the separation had to occur. Our lives were not being lived with the same purpose in mind.
In the gospel of John, the 16th chapter and the 24th verse, Jesus explains to His diciples how once He is crucified, raised and sitting at the right hand of God; we will be able to ask the Father anything in His (Jesus) name and He (The Father) will give it. Jesus told them to ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full. I don't know about you but I want full joy, not half full, not three quarters, I want full! God knows what's best for us and what will bring us full joy, even when we're willing to settle for half just to have something. God wants us to have the best! I know He wants that for me anyway. God loves me too much not to give me His very best and not to protect me from harm and misery. I believe He loves you the same!
I wanted to share this with you in order for you to know that God hears our prayers and He answers them because He loves us. Even though this is an uncomfortable position, God has not forsaken me. He is still listening, He is still working, it's all going to be a major piece in the testimony of my life. My story is not done yet and neither is yours. GREATER IS COMING. Keep saying it until you believe it, then once you believe you will begin to see it!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
When Will It Get Better?
Hello everyone.
I apologize for my absence yesterday. I had no internet access in my location. I've been doing quite a bit of work trying to get better.
I wanted to share today where my thoughts are currently. A lot of the time people have too much pride to be honest about how they really feel about their current circumstance. They pretend like they have everything together, their not hurt and they are " living their life like it's golden". This people are liars! No, I'm kidding. Maybe that is the case for some. Maybe they aren't affected emotionally by devastating situations. Me, myself, I'm going to be real about how I feel.
Right now, things don't appear golden to me. Even sunny days are dim. I wonder often when will it get better? I feel humiliated, betrayed, lied to, let down, disappointed, used and whatever else that can bring a person down. I know the saying, " what goes around, comes around", people have been telling me this often, I guess to make me feel better but it doesn't. It doesn't change the fact that a person I loved deeply, treated with honesty and respect, cherished as a friend and planned to spend my life with ripped my heart out, tore it to pieces, threw it on the groung, stomped it, spit on it then walked away without looking back. Vivid? Yeah I know.
All I can do now is pray that God repair all that was broken, heal all that was hurt and restore trust, confidence and even my interest in any man. I'm not saying I'm going the other way. I ain't that far gone! This is something I cannot fix. I feel as though I have no control. I don't know when it will all go away and my heart can be happy and free again. I'm in a position where I have to completely rely on God for everything. For my joy, happiness, healing, comfort, security, protection, peace, etc.
Being uncomfortable sucks! It's no fun at all. All I can do is keep my eye on the finish line, be sensitive to all possible detractions and allow God to complete His perfect work in me. It's way easier to type than to do it but I'm determined to have God's best. I was fooled by the devil before and he is going to be sorry for all of this once God exalts me to His place of glory. I'm out for the kill! To break the chain for all women after me or even for the ones suffering right now! I will fulfill my purpose and lead many to victory.
I don't know when it will get better but what I do know is GREATER IS COMING! FOR US ALL! Please keep me in your prayers.
I apologize for my absence yesterday. I had no internet access in my location. I've been doing quite a bit of work trying to get better.
I wanted to share today where my thoughts are currently. A lot of the time people have too much pride to be honest about how they really feel about their current circumstance. They pretend like they have everything together, their not hurt and they are " living their life like it's golden". This people are liars! No, I'm kidding. Maybe that is the case for some. Maybe they aren't affected emotionally by devastating situations. Me, myself, I'm going to be real about how I feel.
Right now, things don't appear golden to me. Even sunny days are dim. I wonder often when will it get better? I feel humiliated, betrayed, lied to, let down, disappointed, used and whatever else that can bring a person down. I know the saying, " what goes around, comes around", people have been telling me this often, I guess to make me feel better but it doesn't. It doesn't change the fact that a person I loved deeply, treated with honesty and respect, cherished as a friend and planned to spend my life with ripped my heart out, tore it to pieces, threw it on the groung, stomped it, spit on it then walked away without looking back. Vivid? Yeah I know.
All I can do now is pray that God repair all that was broken, heal all that was hurt and restore trust, confidence and even my interest in any man. I'm not saying I'm going the other way. I ain't that far gone! This is something I cannot fix. I feel as though I have no control. I don't know when it will all go away and my heart can be happy and free again. I'm in a position where I have to completely rely on God for everything. For my joy, happiness, healing, comfort, security, protection, peace, etc.
Being uncomfortable sucks! It's no fun at all. All I can do is keep my eye on the finish line, be sensitive to all possible detractions and allow God to complete His perfect work in me. It's way easier to type than to do it but I'm determined to have God's best. I was fooled by the devil before and he is going to be sorry for all of this once God exalts me to His place of glory. I'm out for the kill! To break the chain for all women after me or even for the ones suffering right now! I will fulfill my purpose and lead many to victory.
I don't know when it will get better but what I do know is GREATER IS COMING! FOR US ALL! Please keep me in your prayers.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Reality Confession #2
Hello to you.
Just wanted to share another reality confession. Although God revealed something very key in this process of healing, restoration and wholeness; accepting the uncomfortable. I must admit, today was a very uncomfortable day. I keep crying, feeling a lot of anxiety. I'm not wasting tears on the person I just believe this is what I have to go through to purge my heart of everything that was never supposed to be there. I cry because I have family and friends who try so hard to encourage me. I cry because I am so loved. I cry because I feel like it and I can. I'm very uncomfortable but I'm willing to be here until God moves me.
Just wanted to share another reality confession. Although God revealed something very key in this process of healing, restoration and wholeness; accepting the uncomfortable. I must admit, today was a very uncomfortable day. I keep crying, feeling a lot of anxiety. I'm not wasting tears on the person I just believe this is what I have to go through to purge my heart of everything that was never supposed to be there. I cry because I have family and friends who try so hard to encourage me. I cry because I am so loved. I cry because I feel like it and I can. I'm very uncomfortable but I'm willing to be here until God moves me.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Accept The Uncomfortable
Good day to you!
Today is a day of awakening. I wanted to share my experience in this part of my process this morning. I woke up tired of caring, tired of thinking all of the time, tired of feeling all of these hurt feelings in my heart. I made the decision in my heart not to care anymore. Not to care about the situation, the person that hurt me, anything anymore. I know I wrote in a previous post that I am praying for the people that hurt me and at that time I truly was, but today I just decided I don't want to care anymore. I don't want to pray for them right now. I don't want to think of them right now. It's not always easy to pray for those who put you in a place of hurt and who disturbed your peace but it will bring you peace with the situation when you do lift them up to God and ask Him to help them. I know it appears I am contradicting myself but hear me out.
As a human being, we have human feelings. We are not only spiritual, we are natural. Now the fight, like I said before is not natural, it is spiritual but that does not mean it has no effect on you naturally. I am at a point where my natural self cannot take anymore at this point and I want to put myself in a place of "not caring". I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing but that is where I am right now. Remember, I have never been in this exact situation before but I have had some heartbreaks and I realized once I stopped caring so much about what the other person was doing, who they were doing it with, and why they were not thinking of me, I was able to make a step closer to moving on.
This morning, God provoked me to worship. I was in a state of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that my hearts desire may not be God's plan for me. My heart wants marriage, my heart wants children of my own that have come from my loins (loins..lol...that word is sort of funny). Reality is that I began to feel as though these things are not going to happen for me. I don't know what God's plans are and that is just plain scary. I don't want to hear that God has someone for me, I don't want to hear that my husband is going to be someone great, blah, blah, blah. No one really knows what God is thinking or what God is doing so how can they tell me what is going to happen? Just being real. It began to get heavy on me that maybe I will be alone forever, maybe I will never have children of my own. I began to think that if this is God's plan for me, it just doesn't seem fair because He has given me a heart that loves so much. Why would he make me keep all of this love in??
I decided to express my feelings to God and turned on Pandora to listen to some William McDowell station. The first song was by William McDowell and it was called "Waiting". Hmmm...did God set me up? It is a simple song and the lyrics are as follows:
"The Lord is here, the Lord is here. And I can feel His presence here. And I don't know what I should do, so I will wait on You. The Lord is here, the Lord is here. And I can feel His presence near. So be still and know that He is God. Just wait...right here. Oh Lord, teach me how to wait. When there is no words to say. Even then, give me grace to stay. Right here, in the secret place. Where time doesn't matter, eternity waits, and I will not move 'till I stand face to face with You. All I want is You".
As I listened to these lyrics, I cried and cried and begged God for the grace to help me wait. God began to speak to me regarding this process. He allowed me to realize that I have never fully completed the process. Like I have said before, this my third heartbreak. The third time I have gone through hurting and crying and thinking. God has been trying to get into my heart, completely heal and restore everything He needed to but I would not let him finish. Remember I mentioned the "fillers"? The guys I would hangout with so not to be alone or in the uncomfortable position I was in, going through the process of heart repair and placing God in His rightful place in the throne of my heart. By doing this to escape the uncomfortable feelings, I was blocking God for completing the work in me.
The second song that came on Pandora right after "Waiting" was as song by Smorkie Norful called "I Understand". God, what are you doing?? Oh, I know, You're letting me know You hear me! Let me just share with you some of the words of that song:
"Sometimes I feel like giving up, seems like my best, it just ain't good enough. I feel like I've done all that I can do. Do You see me, do You care, Lord all about what I'm going through? (chorus) And then He said, one more day, just one more step. He says, I'm preparing you for Myself. And when you can't hear My voice, trust My plan. I am the Lord, I see you, yes, I understand". OMG! Right?! I cried and cried as those words spoke to me like God Himself came into the room, sat down on the bed, looked me in the eyes and said them directly to my heart! It's amazing how God will speak to you in your worship, through songs, through the word or through people. God placed it on my heart to call a friend and have her pray with me. She shared some of the word with me and what God has to say about situations like what I am going through, then she prayed while I cried. I felt a burden lift off of me and I felt like I could breathe so much easier. I feel like I received some strength to keep moving forward and never look back.
You're probably thinking, what does this stuff have to do with the title of this post? Well let me tell you! As I was worshiping God myself to these songs, praying and reading, I realized that I have never just stayed here in this uncomfortable place. This place where my heart aches, where I don't know what's to come, where I feel like I have no one who understands and it's just plain unpleasant. I have no one to make it at least a little more bearable. God enlightened me. He has me exactly where He wants me to do exactly what He needs to do. God wants me to rely on Him for everything, even companionship! He doesn't even want me to get a puppy to help me with this process. He's trying to get me to see that He is all I need! This process may be uncomfortable but it is absolutely necessary. I need to stay here and let God complete the process. I don't need to substitute losing a person with anyone or anything else but God. He will fill my void. He will restore everything I think I have lost. All I have to do is accept the uncomfortable. He made it clear today that He is always right here. That He will never leave me nor forsake me. I believe this is the reason many of us continue in the same cycles with certain issues we experience, because we never accept the uncomfortable. We want instant gratification all of the time. We don't want to hurt, we don't want to feel pain. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, as Paul was begging God to remove the thorn from his flesh, God said to him, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness". I'm weak! I need God's strength to sustain me and He needs for His glory to be revealed in me! This is the same case for all people of God. We are to be living witnesses of God's goodness. Our lives should reflect the Gospel of the Lord. Sometimes we are the only Bible a person is going to read and we should draw them to Christ through our own testimony.
Now all of this is easier said than done but I am a living witness because of my very own experience from this morning that God will show up when you need Him and give you exactly what you need. It may not always be what you want but it definitely fulfills the need you did not know of. So I charge you to accept the uncomfortable. Allow God to complete the process so that you can be whole and break the chain for the generations coming after you. I believe that God is really trying to break something through me and I have decided in my heart today that I will go through everything God needs me to in order to make me whole. So I bet you can guess the answer to yesterday's post...I'M MOVING ON because GREATER IS COMING!
Today is a day of awakening. I wanted to share my experience in this part of my process this morning. I woke up tired of caring, tired of thinking all of the time, tired of feeling all of these hurt feelings in my heart. I made the decision in my heart not to care anymore. Not to care about the situation, the person that hurt me, anything anymore. I know I wrote in a previous post that I am praying for the people that hurt me and at that time I truly was, but today I just decided I don't want to care anymore. I don't want to pray for them right now. I don't want to think of them right now. It's not always easy to pray for those who put you in a place of hurt and who disturbed your peace but it will bring you peace with the situation when you do lift them up to God and ask Him to help them. I know it appears I am contradicting myself but hear me out.
As a human being, we have human feelings. We are not only spiritual, we are natural. Now the fight, like I said before is not natural, it is spiritual but that does not mean it has no effect on you naturally. I am at a point where my natural self cannot take anymore at this point and I want to put myself in a place of "not caring". I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing but that is where I am right now. Remember, I have never been in this exact situation before but I have had some heartbreaks and I realized once I stopped caring so much about what the other person was doing, who they were doing it with, and why they were not thinking of me, I was able to make a step closer to moving on.
This morning, God provoked me to worship. I was in a state of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that my hearts desire may not be God's plan for me. My heart wants marriage, my heart wants children of my own that have come from my loins (loins..lol...that word is sort of funny). Reality is that I began to feel as though these things are not going to happen for me. I don't know what God's plans are and that is just plain scary. I don't want to hear that God has someone for me, I don't want to hear that my husband is going to be someone great, blah, blah, blah. No one really knows what God is thinking or what God is doing so how can they tell me what is going to happen? Just being real. It began to get heavy on me that maybe I will be alone forever, maybe I will never have children of my own. I began to think that if this is God's plan for me, it just doesn't seem fair because He has given me a heart that loves so much. Why would he make me keep all of this love in??
I decided to express my feelings to God and turned on Pandora to listen to some William McDowell station. The first song was by William McDowell and it was called "Waiting". Hmmm...did God set me up? It is a simple song and the lyrics are as follows:
"The Lord is here, the Lord is here. And I can feel His presence here. And I don't know what I should do, so I will wait on You. The Lord is here, the Lord is here. And I can feel His presence near. So be still and know that He is God. Just wait...right here. Oh Lord, teach me how to wait. When there is no words to say. Even then, give me grace to stay. Right here, in the secret place. Where time doesn't matter, eternity waits, and I will not move 'till I stand face to face with You. All I want is You".
As I listened to these lyrics, I cried and cried and begged God for the grace to help me wait. God began to speak to me regarding this process. He allowed me to realize that I have never fully completed the process. Like I have said before, this my third heartbreak. The third time I have gone through hurting and crying and thinking. God has been trying to get into my heart, completely heal and restore everything He needed to but I would not let him finish. Remember I mentioned the "fillers"? The guys I would hangout with so not to be alone or in the uncomfortable position I was in, going through the process of heart repair and placing God in His rightful place in the throne of my heart. By doing this to escape the uncomfortable feelings, I was blocking God for completing the work in me.
The second song that came on Pandora right after "Waiting" was as song by Smorkie Norful called "I Understand". God, what are you doing?? Oh, I know, You're letting me know You hear me! Let me just share with you some of the words of that song:
"Sometimes I feel like giving up, seems like my best, it just ain't good enough. I feel like I've done all that I can do. Do You see me, do You care, Lord all about what I'm going through? (chorus) And then He said, one more day, just one more step. He says, I'm preparing you for Myself. And when you can't hear My voice, trust My plan. I am the Lord, I see you, yes, I understand". OMG! Right?! I cried and cried as those words spoke to me like God Himself came into the room, sat down on the bed, looked me in the eyes and said them directly to my heart! It's amazing how God will speak to you in your worship, through songs, through the word or through people. God placed it on my heart to call a friend and have her pray with me. She shared some of the word with me and what God has to say about situations like what I am going through, then she prayed while I cried. I felt a burden lift off of me and I felt like I could breathe so much easier. I feel like I received some strength to keep moving forward and never look back.
You're probably thinking, what does this stuff have to do with the title of this post? Well let me tell you! As I was worshiping God myself to these songs, praying and reading, I realized that I have never just stayed here in this uncomfortable place. This place where my heart aches, where I don't know what's to come, where I feel like I have no one who understands and it's just plain unpleasant. I have no one to make it at least a little more bearable. God enlightened me. He has me exactly where He wants me to do exactly what He needs to do. God wants me to rely on Him for everything, even companionship! He doesn't even want me to get a puppy to help me with this process. He's trying to get me to see that He is all I need! This process may be uncomfortable but it is absolutely necessary. I need to stay here and let God complete the process. I don't need to substitute losing a person with anyone or anything else but God. He will fill my void. He will restore everything I think I have lost. All I have to do is accept the uncomfortable. He made it clear today that He is always right here. That He will never leave me nor forsake me. I believe this is the reason many of us continue in the same cycles with certain issues we experience, because we never accept the uncomfortable. We want instant gratification all of the time. We don't want to hurt, we don't want to feel pain. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, as Paul was begging God to remove the thorn from his flesh, God said to him, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness". I'm weak! I need God's strength to sustain me and He needs for His glory to be revealed in me! This is the same case for all people of God. We are to be living witnesses of God's goodness. Our lives should reflect the Gospel of the Lord. Sometimes we are the only Bible a person is going to read and we should draw them to Christ through our own testimony.
Now all of this is easier said than done but I am a living witness because of my very own experience from this morning that God will show up when you need Him and give you exactly what you need. It may not always be what you want but it definitely fulfills the need you did not know of. So I charge you to accept the uncomfortable. Allow God to complete the process so that you can be whole and break the chain for the generations coming after you. I believe that God is really trying to break something through me and I have decided in my heart today that I will go through everything God needs me to in order to make me whole. So I bet you can guess the answer to yesterday's post...I'M MOVING ON because GREATER IS COMING!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
To Move On Or Not To Move On?
Hi there!
Today is a good day. The weather is beautiful here in Edwardsville, IL. I am actually on the boarder of Illinois and Missouri. I have been having a relaxing time enjoying the change of scenery. I can honestly say my anxiety has lessened. Praise the Lord! I am so appreciative of my friend trying her best to make sure I have the best time I can and keep my mind off of the hurtful things that have occurred recently. She is so wonderful and I really am enjoying myself.
As hard as I try, it's hard to keep my mind from constantly turning. The battle right now is between my heart and my head. Struggling with the decision to move on or not to move on makes things very difficult. I have never been in this sort of situation before. I am learning as I go and I am sharing my journey with you.
If I had to be completely honest, I am in an indecisive place right now. Love conquers all... that's in the bible, sort of. Love is one of the most powerful emotions ever. It can cause you to forgive and go on loving the person that hurt you, hoping that they change for the better. A heart doesn't know how to just push someone out and quit loving them as soon as they mess up, at least not my heart anyway.
My prayer now is that God guide all my decisions and give me an extraordinary peace with whatever decision I make. Proverbs 3:5 reads: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He shall direct your path. Right now I need my path directed. I so badly want to take matters into my own hands and have what my heart seems to be desiring right now but I also want God's plans for me because I know they will surpass all of my fleshy desires and give me greater joy than I could ever give myself.
I realize the battle that I am fighting is not natural, it's spiritual. Thank God the battle is already won! Please pray my strength as I get through this part of the journey with much grace and find a sense of peace in the decisions I make.
This post was actually started on 5/18/13. I had the best time yesterday. I'm so grateful God loves me enough to place wonderful people in my life to help me through this difficult time. It's going to get better because GREATER IS COMING!
Today is a good day. The weather is beautiful here in Edwardsville, IL. I am actually on the boarder of Illinois and Missouri. I have been having a relaxing time enjoying the change of scenery. I can honestly say my anxiety has lessened. Praise the Lord! I am so appreciative of my friend trying her best to make sure I have the best time I can and keep my mind off of the hurtful things that have occurred recently. She is so wonderful and I really am enjoying myself.
As hard as I try, it's hard to keep my mind from constantly turning. The battle right now is between my heart and my head. Struggling with the decision to move on or not to move on makes things very difficult. I have never been in this sort of situation before. I am learning as I go and I am sharing my journey with you.
If I had to be completely honest, I am in an indecisive place right now. Love conquers all... that's in the bible, sort of. Love is one of the most powerful emotions ever. It can cause you to forgive and go on loving the person that hurt you, hoping that they change for the better. A heart doesn't know how to just push someone out and quit loving them as soon as they mess up, at least not my heart anyway.
My prayer now is that God guide all my decisions and give me an extraordinary peace with whatever decision I make. Proverbs 3:5 reads: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He shall direct your path. Right now I need my path directed. I so badly want to take matters into my own hands and have what my heart seems to be desiring right now but I also want God's plans for me because I know they will surpass all of my fleshy desires and give me greater joy than I could ever give myself.
I realize the battle that I am fighting is not natural, it's spiritual. Thank God the battle is already won! Please pray my strength as I get through this part of the journey with much grace and find a sense of peace in the decisions I make.
This post was actually started on 5/18/13. I had the best time yesterday. I'm so grateful God loves me enough to place wonderful people in my life to help me through this difficult time. It's going to get better because GREATER IS COMING!
Friday, May 17, 2013
Reality Confession
Hello all.
I would first like to apologize for not posting yesterday. I got a bit busy, packing, booking flights, getting ready for my trips I have planned to get away, clear my head and get a change of scenery.
I titled this post "Reality Confession" because I wanted to take the time to personally share with you the emotions and feelings I am currently experiencing during this process of separation and healing of my broken heart.
This week has actually been a good week. I didn't cry none. Today on the other hand, I am experiencing much anxiety. I cried out to God as He reminded me that greater is coming. I trust God, I do. I also have a human nature. My heart and my head are in constant battle right now. I haven't been able to eat for the past two weeks...a could bites here and there. My stomach is in much anguish because of the anxiety. I thank God for the strength to walk away but I also need the strength to stay away. It's tough when your heart is involved. It doesn't just stop loving a person just because they messed up.
I wanted to be honest and share so that you know that you will have these thoughts, you will have a fight between your heart and your head. God is the only one to get us through. It's even tougher because we don't know God's plans and we just have to wait and trust. If anybody knows, I know, that's easy easier said than done.
So, today may not be the best day I have had this week, but I am alive and breathing and I can be honest with God and myself about how I feel and that gives me a small sense of relief. His Grace is definitely going to have to sustain me.
Bright side: I'm waiting to board a flight to St. Louis to go visit a friend, try my very best to enjoy myself and relax my mind from its constant thinking and anxiety. I ask that you keep me in your prayers. Also, feel free to comment on my posts. Hearing positive responses is definitely encouraging.
Don't forget: GREATER IS COMING!
I would first like to apologize for not posting yesterday. I got a bit busy, packing, booking flights, getting ready for my trips I have planned to get away, clear my head and get a change of scenery.
I titled this post "Reality Confession" because I wanted to take the time to personally share with you the emotions and feelings I am currently experiencing during this process of separation and healing of my broken heart.
This week has actually been a good week. I didn't cry none. Today on the other hand, I am experiencing much anxiety. I cried out to God as He reminded me that greater is coming. I trust God, I do. I also have a human nature. My heart and my head are in constant battle right now. I haven't been able to eat for the past two weeks...a could bites here and there. My stomach is in much anguish because of the anxiety. I thank God for the strength to walk away but I also need the strength to stay away. It's tough when your heart is involved. It doesn't just stop loving a person just because they messed up.
I wanted to be honest and share so that you know that you will have these thoughts, you will have a fight between your heart and your head. God is the only one to get us through. It's even tougher because we don't know God's plans and we just have to wait and trust. If anybody knows, I know, that's easy easier said than done.
So, today may not be the best day I have had this week, but I am alive and breathing and I can be honest with God and myself about how I feel and that gives me a small sense of relief. His Grace is definitely going to have to sustain me.
Bright side: I'm waiting to board a flight to St. Louis to go visit a friend, try my very best to enjoy myself and relax my mind from its constant thinking and anxiety. I ask that you keep me in your prayers. Also, feel free to comment on my posts. Hearing positive responses is definitely encouraging.
Don't forget: GREATER IS COMING!
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Say Thank You Now
Good morning to you!
I wanted to take the time to let you know that YOU ARE BLESSED! Receive that in Jesus name.
Today has been a day of thanksgiving for me. I know it's not November and there is no turkey and dressing (corny, I know). You don't just have to talk about what you are thankful for on that man made holiday, you can say thank you now!
Since today is so beautiful, I decided to go for a morning walk. The sun and the wind are magnificent! As I walked, I began to talk to God and asked Him to keep me, protect me, heal me, and comfort me. Suddenly my prayer changed in to a prayer of thanksgiving. I began to thank God for all those things I was asking for, thanking him for the sun, thanking him for the trees, for the air, for the ability to breathe. All I wanted to do was express my gratitude to the Maker of all things! As I told God how grateful I was, I began to feel a sense of comfort, peace and calmness.
In that short moment of me praying and thanking God, I realized just how important it is to praise God. To express my gratefulness rather than dwell on the things I wanted Him to do, caused for a door to be opened in my heart and allowed God to rush in like flood waters. I began to smile as I felt the breeze across my face as if God Himself were sending His comforting touch.
It is so key to keep a heart of thanksgiving to God no matter what our circumstances may look like. God is a faithful God. He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. So love on Him. Express your gratitude today. Let God know you appreciate Him and all that He does in your life and if He doesn't do another thing you will still be grateful! Watch as the peace of God overtakes your very soul and you begin to see everything you asked for coming to pass!
GREATER IS COMING!
I wanted to take the time to let you know that YOU ARE BLESSED! Receive that in Jesus name.
Today has been a day of thanksgiving for me. I know it's not November and there is no turkey and dressing (corny, I know). You don't just have to talk about what you are thankful for on that man made holiday, you can say thank you now!
Since today is so beautiful, I decided to go for a morning walk. The sun and the wind are magnificent! As I walked, I began to talk to God and asked Him to keep me, protect me, heal me, and comfort me. Suddenly my prayer changed in to a prayer of thanksgiving. I began to thank God for all those things I was asking for, thanking him for the sun, thanking him for the trees, for the air, for the ability to breathe. All I wanted to do was express my gratitude to the Maker of all things! As I told God how grateful I was, I began to feel a sense of comfort, peace and calmness.
In that short moment of me praying and thanking God, I realized just how important it is to praise God. To express my gratefulness rather than dwell on the things I wanted Him to do, caused for a door to be opened in my heart and allowed God to rush in like flood waters. I began to smile as I felt the breeze across my face as if God Himself were sending His comforting touch.
It is so key to keep a heart of thanksgiving to God no matter what our circumstances may look like. God is a faithful God. He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. So love on Him. Express your gratitude today. Let God know you appreciate Him and all that He does in your life and if He doesn't do another thing you will still be grateful! Watch as the peace of God overtakes your very soul and you begin to see everything you asked for coming to pass!
GREATER IS COMING!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Forgiveness: Not Just For Those Who Hurt You.
Good day to all!
I pray that all is well with you. I can honestly say things are better with me. I have been allowing God to work things out of me and I have been paying close attention to what's going on in my heart right now. Today I want to talk about forgiveness and it's effects on each party involved.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been immersed in the presence of God though worship and prayer. I have also been studying the word of God on what I am dealing with. Forgiveness is at the forefront of my mind right now. Honestly, God has been working a lot faster than I thought He would. I have been able to forgive and really release all my unforgiveness, anger and whatever else that was not positive. I will say I may sometimes have thoughts of what I could have done or what could possibly happen to the people who hurt me as "karma" but when I have those thoughts, I cast them down in the name of Jesus and I pray positive things over those people.
I want to share my current experiences with forgiveness right now. But before I do that, I want to share what the word says about the character of the New Man in Christ. Colossians 3:12-17 reads as follows:
Therefore as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things, put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him
Now I don't know about you, but this passage really speaks to me and encourages me so much. If Jesus had not forgiven me, I would be toast! We are charged to forgive just as Jesus forgave us. Trust me when I say this is not as easy as it sounds when you try to do it in and of yourself but with the help of God, it can be done and it can be the most rewarding thing for YOU! Forgiveness releases not only those who hurt you but it releases you as well. You will feel a weight lifted off of you. I guarantee you will experience the peace of God in your heart just like the scripture reads. You will be able to thank God for bringing you out of a place of anger and bitterness because those are no places to be. Your happiness lies in your forgiveness. Your ability to forgive and really let it go will open up a door for God to get in, heal and bless you!
I decided early to forgive. Since I made that decision and really let it go and began to pray for my offenders. God has been restoring joy to my heart. I feel His comfort even more! I am able to pray with a pure heart. I no longer wish suffering on those who hurt me but I sincerely pray for their souls and that God work on their behalf. I will share that I still have tough times but that is not due to me being angry or upset but rather the human nature to miss a person, love does not just disappear. I am now in a position that the love I have transforms into the love of Christ so that I am not tempted to go back to what is obviously toxic to my heart. This part is difficult but that is when God's grace comes in and keeps me.
This may have been the worse thing that has ever happened to me aside from losing a sibling to suicide many years ago BUT GOD got me through and He continues to carry me through as He will do for you! Things may seem rough now, you may cry everyday but cry out to God. Tell Him how you feel and be honest. If you feel like stabbing a person in the heart because yours hurt so much, tell Him! He knows your heart anyway. The word says to come boldly to the throne of God, cast your all of your cares upon Him. He can handle it all, trust me. Allow God to mend your tender heart and restore all that you feel has been lost. He will bring you to a place where forgiveness is so heavy on you that you can't take it anymore and you have to forgive and let go. I'm telling you, it will be the best thing you could ever do for your heart and for your future!
Believe it or not, but this too shall pass and GREATER IS COMING! In fact, GREATER IS ALREADY HERE! RECEIVE IT!
I pray that all is well with you. I can honestly say things are better with me. I have been allowing God to work things out of me and I have been paying close attention to what's going on in my heart right now. Today I want to talk about forgiveness and it's effects on each party involved.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been immersed in the presence of God though worship and prayer. I have also been studying the word of God on what I am dealing with. Forgiveness is at the forefront of my mind right now. Honestly, God has been working a lot faster than I thought He would. I have been able to forgive and really release all my unforgiveness, anger and whatever else that was not positive. I will say I may sometimes have thoughts of what I could have done or what could possibly happen to the people who hurt me as "karma" but when I have those thoughts, I cast them down in the name of Jesus and I pray positive things over those people.
I want to share my current experiences with forgiveness right now. But before I do that, I want to share what the word says about the character of the New Man in Christ. Colossians 3:12-17 reads as follows:
Therefore as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things, put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him
Now I don't know about you, but this passage really speaks to me and encourages me so much. If Jesus had not forgiven me, I would be toast! We are charged to forgive just as Jesus forgave us. Trust me when I say this is not as easy as it sounds when you try to do it in and of yourself but with the help of God, it can be done and it can be the most rewarding thing for YOU! Forgiveness releases not only those who hurt you but it releases you as well. You will feel a weight lifted off of you. I guarantee you will experience the peace of God in your heart just like the scripture reads. You will be able to thank God for bringing you out of a place of anger and bitterness because those are no places to be. Your happiness lies in your forgiveness. Your ability to forgive and really let it go will open up a door for God to get in, heal and bless you!
I decided early to forgive. Since I made that decision and really let it go and began to pray for my offenders. God has been restoring joy to my heart. I feel His comfort even more! I am able to pray with a pure heart. I no longer wish suffering on those who hurt me but I sincerely pray for their souls and that God work on their behalf. I will share that I still have tough times but that is not due to me being angry or upset but rather the human nature to miss a person, love does not just disappear. I am now in a position that the love I have transforms into the love of Christ so that I am not tempted to go back to what is obviously toxic to my heart. This part is difficult but that is when God's grace comes in and keeps me.
This may have been the worse thing that has ever happened to me aside from losing a sibling to suicide many years ago BUT GOD got me through and He continues to carry me through as He will do for you! Things may seem rough now, you may cry everyday but cry out to God. Tell Him how you feel and be honest. If you feel like stabbing a person in the heart because yours hurt so much, tell Him! He knows your heart anyway. The word says to come boldly to the throne of God, cast your all of your cares upon Him. He can handle it all, trust me. Allow God to mend your tender heart and restore all that you feel has been lost. He will bring you to a place where forgiveness is so heavy on you that you can't take it anymore and you have to forgive and let go. I'm telling you, it will be the best thing you could ever do for your heart and for your future!
Believe it or not, but this too shall pass and GREATER IS COMING! In fact, GREATER IS ALREADY HERE! RECEIVE IT!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Shaking, Beating, Pressing
Today marks 1 week and one day since I found out the devastating news that caused me to end my engagement. I really thought this was it, I just knew I was in love and this was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I loved his family and they loved me. I even established an amazing relationship with his son, even though I had always told myself I would never date a guy with a kid. I thought I had finally found the REAL DEAL! When he asked me to marry him I was very excited. Granted, there were some things in the back of my mind that concerned me or that did not quite match my exact vision of what I thought I would have in a marriage or a mate but I would overlook those things because I thought, "No one gets the perfect mate or exactly what they have always hoped for in a mate". I was going to marry this man and try my best to encourage and inspire him to reach the full potential of what I knew he could be. After all, a man needs a strong woman behind him to help him be his best and vice versa. I spent two years learning how to be supportive, how to be a team player, how not to just give up on someone because I could but instead trying to work things out. Believe or not, the relationship really helped me grow as a woman.
Now, this process of healing is not as easy as I would like it to be, but I have come to realize that it is all a part of God's plan for my life. Once we realize that the beautiful thing God created in nature cannot grow without dirt and rain, we will be more willing to go through the process of growth because God is doing something beautiful and perfect.
During this process, prayer and worship have been a major part of my days. I am taking this time to really focus on God, His word and giving Him my heart to have his way. While in worship the other day, I cam across the song, "Greater is Coming" by Jekalyn Carr. This song has been very powerful for me right now. It ministers to my very soul. At the beginning of the song, Jekalyn explains the process an olive has to go through in order for it's oil to flow. The olive must be shaken, beaten, and pressed in order for it to do what God purposed it to do.
While listening to the explanation of the olive process, I realized how this applies to my life. This was not the first heartbreak I have had involving a man hurting me, it's actually the third. I prayed and prayed and asked God to not allow this to happen to me anymore after this last one because it was the worst but as I listened about the olive I realized I had to go through this last one because this is my pressing process. Each time my heart was broken, it drove me directly into the arms of God and He took me to a new level in Him but then it would be like I would coast and stay at that level until something else happened. This last incident was the biggest and I am immersing myself in the presence of God everyday. Each heartbreak was a part of my process.
The first heartbreak was my shaking. It occurred when I was about 20 years old. My first love of 3 years (age 17-20), the first guy I trusted with my heart even though he was going between me and another girl, completely ripped my heart out when I had hopes of finally being with him when he left the other girl for good. Instead, he chose a new girl! I gave him 3 years of my life, being there fore him in all crisis', whenever he needed me only to get the boot. I was so hurt. That was when God shook me and was able to get my attention. I am so grateful I had a strong foundation in Him to know where to go to find safety and comfort at that time. With that shaking, I was able to store in my memory bank what I needed to do if I was ever at that place again.
The second heartbreak came when I was 22 years old. I was not completely over my first love but I had been seeking God and trying my best to live holy since the last heartbreak. I met a guy (right before turning 21) who was the son of a pastor. He was working to be a minister himself, involved in bible studies on his college campus, knew the word of God and he was even being invited to preach at churches in the local area! This young man was very respectful towards me, respected my purity, treated me like a princess. He was everything I thought a man should be to me, aside from him not being physically what I desired but I could overlook that. The only thing was at the time, he was a bit controlling and wanted me to submit to him right away, before he put a ring on it! If anybody knows me, they know I am a strong woman and I will do things when I feel the desire to do them but if you are trying to force me, I am going to resist you. Now this guy appealed to my superficial needs. He bought me an engagement ring from Tiffany & Co. Now it is my opinion that if a man loves a woman, he wants to bless her and if he highly values her, he will spare no expense. This guy had this trait down packed. The only thing was the timing was off. He only tried to give me the ring in order that I not have time to think about where we were in the relationship after almost failing in the area of fornication. We did not quite go there, but at that time, I was trying so hard to please God that any little slip up devastated me and I needed time to get with God and express my sincere apology for disappointing Him. I felt this guy and I needed a short break from one another for a while in order to grow stronger in that area but he did not think so. He was ready for a wife. Long story short, he strung me along during our "break" for about 2 months as if we would get back together, all the while having a girlfriend. He was married a year later. Can you say salty! I felt like I was way cooler than him and I should have been the one to play him! All the while, with each of the guys, I was completely loyal and faithful. This was my beating process. I cried out to God once again and I learned even more ways to get more intimate with Him and how to proclaim victory over my life. He brought me through, stronger than before.
Now there were some guys in between these relationships that I just "talked" to. I mean, I'm not an ugly girl, but these guys were sort of just fillers or people that gave me some companionship at the time. I would need a movie buddy or wanted some guy around for the hard holidays like Valentine's Day or Sweetest Day. I really should have just gotten a dog. LOL
Heartbreak number three, my last and final heartbreak, was at 27 years old. Now it had been 3 years since I had been in a relationship with a guy. I was actually beginning to enjoy my singlehood. I took myself on trips and did special things for myself for my birthday. One of my older brothers would tell me that the guy that I marry will have to live up to the standard of treating me as well as I treat myself and I treated myself very well. This last guy I was introduced to. I had no intention of dating anyone at this time, I wasn't even looking! I thought he was nice looking when I first saw him but there was never a thought of taking it any further from there. A friend of mine overheard and wound up introducing us. Now this guy was different. He treated me very respectfully in the initial meeting (as any guy probably would). We talked as two people getting to know each other as friends for 3 months. All the while, I told him I saw nothing past friendship with him and he continued to be okay with that. Somehow, I fell for him and he fell for me. I took a chance, even after he told me he had a kid! That was a big step for me and I don't regret it one bit. That kid has a very special place in my heart. Anyhow, I won't drag this story on. We were together two years, I attended many family functions, went on out of state trips with him, etc. Marriage was always an option and often spoken of in this relationship. We were both older and ready to be with that ONE, or I was at least. He may have thought he was but deep down he was not ready for that and that's ok. We started officially dating April 8, 2011 and proposed to me on April 4, 2013. He met my parents, talked to my Pastor and even attended premarital counseling with me. I did everything I could to be what he needed me to be and poured 110% into the relationship, so you can imagine how devastated I was to find out he had cheated on me and got another woman pregnant! I thought he was the sweetest guy to me, he had some things he could have worked on but I loved him so much. You can probably imagine that God will have to restore my trust for men at all. Especially after being with someone for 2 years and then finding out you never really knew them at all. This experience is my pressing. It's the toughest experience I have ever gone through but I am excited about what's to come. God has been dealing with a lot of things that have been in my heart from the past and during the present. I really feel as though some things are being pressed out of me! He is preparing me for greater!
Now I shared all of that to say this: The process is not easy, God never said the Christian walk would be, but He is with us every step of the way. Pay attention to your process. Figure out where you are at this very moment. I am a living witness if God brought you out before, He will do it again. (A good song to listen to while going through is Tye Tribbett: Same God). I am a transparent person and I am not ashamed of none of my past experiences. I have not shared them all but I shared that which I felt were relevant. Trust me, I have a lot more that tie in to my entire life. Am I bitter? No. Do I hate any of the people involved in any of my heartbreaks? Not at all. In fact, each one, I have prayed for and I continue to pray for. Even the woman who participated in tearing my last relationship apart. I want them all to experience the love of God, His grace and His mercy. As Christians, we are called to pray for the lost or those in darkness. My heart goes out to all who truly need an encounter with God. I pray they experience that as I have and that it enhances their relationship with Him all the more! I forgive every person that was used to hurt me and I wish nothing but good things for them. Now there are times, especially in the beginning of the heartbreak you want someone to suffer because you are but that's not the way to be. God is a God of justice and He will vindicate you.
Be strong during your time of shaking, beating and pressing because soon, your oil will flow! God is doing something great. I believe that. Place yourself in a position to receive! Don't miss out on your blessing! I hope this blog helped someone to know that they are not alone and that God really is working all things out for your good (Romans 8:28). He knows the plans for your life! (Jeremiah 29:11). Hang in there with me. GREATER IS COMING!
Now, this process of healing is not as easy as I would like it to be, but I have come to realize that it is all a part of God's plan for my life. Once we realize that the beautiful thing God created in nature cannot grow without dirt and rain, we will be more willing to go through the process of growth because God is doing something beautiful and perfect.
During this process, prayer and worship have been a major part of my days. I am taking this time to really focus on God, His word and giving Him my heart to have his way. While in worship the other day, I cam across the song, "Greater is Coming" by Jekalyn Carr. This song has been very powerful for me right now. It ministers to my very soul. At the beginning of the song, Jekalyn explains the process an olive has to go through in order for it's oil to flow. The olive must be shaken, beaten, and pressed in order for it to do what God purposed it to do.
While listening to the explanation of the olive process, I realized how this applies to my life. This was not the first heartbreak I have had involving a man hurting me, it's actually the third. I prayed and prayed and asked God to not allow this to happen to me anymore after this last one because it was the worst but as I listened about the olive I realized I had to go through this last one because this is my pressing process. Each time my heart was broken, it drove me directly into the arms of God and He took me to a new level in Him but then it would be like I would coast and stay at that level until something else happened. This last incident was the biggest and I am immersing myself in the presence of God everyday. Each heartbreak was a part of my process.
The first heartbreak was my shaking. It occurred when I was about 20 years old. My first love of 3 years (age 17-20), the first guy I trusted with my heart even though he was going between me and another girl, completely ripped my heart out when I had hopes of finally being with him when he left the other girl for good. Instead, he chose a new girl! I gave him 3 years of my life, being there fore him in all crisis', whenever he needed me only to get the boot. I was so hurt. That was when God shook me and was able to get my attention. I am so grateful I had a strong foundation in Him to know where to go to find safety and comfort at that time. With that shaking, I was able to store in my memory bank what I needed to do if I was ever at that place again.
The second heartbreak came when I was 22 years old. I was not completely over my first love but I had been seeking God and trying my best to live holy since the last heartbreak. I met a guy (right before turning 21) who was the son of a pastor. He was working to be a minister himself, involved in bible studies on his college campus, knew the word of God and he was even being invited to preach at churches in the local area! This young man was very respectful towards me, respected my purity, treated me like a princess. He was everything I thought a man should be to me, aside from him not being physically what I desired but I could overlook that. The only thing was at the time, he was a bit controlling and wanted me to submit to him right away, before he put a ring on it! If anybody knows me, they know I am a strong woman and I will do things when I feel the desire to do them but if you are trying to force me, I am going to resist you. Now this guy appealed to my superficial needs. He bought me an engagement ring from Tiffany & Co. Now it is my opinion that if a man loves a woman, he wants to bless her and if he highly values her, he will spare no expense. This guy had this trait down packed. The only thing was the timing was off. He only tried to give me the ring in order that I not have time to think about where we were in the relationship after almost failing in the area of fornication. We did not quite go there, but at that time, I was trying so hard to please God that any little slip up devastated me and I needed time to get with God and express my sincere apology for disappointing Him. I felt this guy and I needed a short break from one another for a while in order to grow stronger in that area but he did not think so. He was ready for a wife. Long story short, he strung me along during our "break" for about 2 months as if we would get back together, all the while having a girlfriend. He was married a year later. Can you say salty! I felt like I was way cooler than him and I should have been the one to play him! All the while, with each of the guys, I was completely loyal and faithful. This was my beating process. I cried out to God once again and I learned even more ways to get more intimate with Him and how to proclaim victory over my life. He brought me through, stronger than before.
Now there were some guys in between these relationships that I just "talked" to. I mean, I'm not an ugly girl, but these guys were sort of just fillers or people that gave me some companionship at the time. I would need a movie buddy or wanted some guy around for the hard holidays like Valentine's Day or Sweetest Day. I really should have just gotten a dog. LOL
Heartbreak number three, my last and final heartbreak, was at 27 years old. Now it had been 3 years since I had been in a relationship with a guy. I was actually beginning to enjoy my singlehood. I took myself on trips and did special things for myself for my birthday. One of my older brothers would tell me that the guy that I marry will have to live up to the standard of treating me as well as I treat myself and I treated myself very well. This last guy I was introduced to. I had no intention of dating anyone at this time, I wasn't even looking! I thought he was nice looking when I first saw him but there was never a thought of taking it any further from there. A friend of mine overheard and wound up introducing us. Now this guy was different. He treated me very respectfully in the initial meeting (as any guy probably would). We talked as two people getting to know each other as friends for 3 months. All the while, I told him I saw nothing past friendship with him and he continued to be okay with that. Somehow, I fell for him and he fell for me. I took a chance, even after he told me he had a kid! That was a big step for me and I don't regret it one bit. That kid has a very special place in my heart. Anyhow, I won't drag this story on. We were together two years, I attended many family functions, went on out of state trips with him, etc. Marriage was always an option and often spoken of in this relationship. We were both older and ready to be with that ONE, or I was at least. He may have thought he was but deep down he was not ready for that and that's ok. We started officially dating April 8, 2011 and proposed to me on April 4, 2013. He met my parents, talked to my Pastor and even attended premarital counseling with me. I did everything I could to be what he needed me to be and poured 110% into the relationship, so you can imagine how devastated I was to find out he had cheated on me and got another woman pregnant! I thought he was the sweetest guy to me, he had some things he could have worked on but I loved him so much. You can probably imagine that God will have to restore my trust for men at all. Especially after being with someone for 2 years and then finding out you never really knew them at all. This experience is my pressing. It's the toughest experience I have ever gone through but I am excited about what's to come. God has been dealing with a lot of things that have been in my heart from the past and during the present. I really feel as though some things are being pressed out of me! He is preparing me for greater!
Now I shared all of that to say this: The process is not easy, God never said the Christian walk would be, but He is with us every step of the way. Pay attention to your process. Figure out where you are at this very moment. I am a living witness if God brought you out before, He will do it again. (A good song to listen to while going through is Tye Tribbett: Same God). I am a transparent person and I am not ashamed of none of my past experiences. I have not shared them all but I shared that which I felt were relevant. Trust me, I have a lot more that tie in to my entire life. Am I bitter? No. Do I hate any of the people involved in any of my heartbreaks? Not at all. In fact, each one, I have prayed for and I continue to pray for. Even the woman who participated in tearing my last relationship apart. I want them all to experience the love of God, His grace and His mercy. As Christians, we are called to pray for the lost or those in darkness. My heart goes out to all who truly need an encounter with God. I pray they experience that as I have and that it enhances their relationship with Him all the more! I forgive every person that was used to hurt me and I wish nothing but good things for them. Now there are times, especially in the beginning of the heartbreak you want someone to suffer because you are but that's not the way to be. God is a God of justice and He will vindicate you.
Be strong during your time of shaking, beating and pressing because soon, your oil will flow! God is doing something great. I believe that. Place yourself in a position to receive! Don't miss out on your blessing! I hope this blog helped someone to know that they are not alone and that God really is working all things out for your good (Romans 8:28). He knows the plans for your life! (Jeremiah 29:11). Hang in there with me. GREATER IS COMING!
Allow Me To Introduce Myself
Greetings in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ,
My name is Nikeya, people call me Keya for short. I am a single 27 year old woman who has experienced quite a bit for my years here on this green earth. I have had some joys and some heartbreaks and I am not regretful of none of my experiences. I have learned many different things from everything that I have been through. God has brought me out of many situations and has grown me both naturally and spiritually and I continue to grow!
I was recently engaged to a man, for exactly 1 month, before I ended my engagement due to his infidelity in the relationship. Now most women my age may have just stuck it out, accepted the illegitimate child with this other woman and just tried to work it out in order to have a piece of a man, especially after investing 2 or more years into the relationship. As hard as it is to break away, it would be even harder to settle for the rest of your life for something that you know you do not deserve. I am sharing this with you to give you some insight about where I currently am in my life in order for you to, first hand, witness the wondrous works of God as he transforms me in order to give you hope and increase your faith that He can do the exact same for you!
This blog is created to express my heart concerning my situations along with the probing of the Holy Spirit in hopes to encourage, enlighten or inspire someone else to walk in what God has called them to or to come out of something more victorious than ever before. I pray the words that I share will be of some help to you, I know they will be much help to me! So join me on my journey of letting go of the past, healing from all hurts and placing myself in a position to receive from God for not just me, but you also because GREATER IS COMING!
My name is Nikeya, people call me Keya for short. I am a single 27 year old woman who has experienced quite a bit for my years here on this green earth. I have had some joys and some heartbreaks and I am not regretful of none of my experiences. I have learned many different things from everything that I have been through. God has brought me out of many situations and has grown me both naturally and spiritually and I continue to grow!
I was recently engaged to a man, for exactly 1 month, before I ended my engagement due to his infidelity in the relationship. Now most women my age may have just stuck it out, accepted the illegitimate child with this other woman and just tried to work it out in order to have a piece of a man, especially after investing 2 or more years into the relationship. As hard as it is to break away, it would be even harder to settle for the rest of your life for something that you know you do not deserve. I am sharing this with you to give you some insight about where I currently am in my life in order for you to, first hand, witness the wondrous works of God as he transforms me in order to give you hope and increase your faith that He can do the exact same for you!
This blog is created to express my heart concerning my situations along with the probing of the Holy Spirit in hopes to encourage, enlighten or inspire someone else to walk in what God has called them to or to come out of something more victorious than ever before. I pray the words that I share will be of some help to you, I know they will be much help to me! So join me on my journey of letting go of the past, healing from all hurts and placing myself in a position to receive from God for not just me, but you also because GREATER IS COMING!
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